I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
