I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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