its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
