All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
