I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize