Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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