If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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