Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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