Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She bit a glass in half.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
