Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
