Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
