i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
