An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
