Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
