WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
