It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
