that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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