So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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