soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
