I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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