i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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