peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
