I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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