How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
