There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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If i need to get strippers involved i will.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
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Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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