I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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