you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
