the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
