am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
