When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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