i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
