It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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