So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Your penis caused this!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
