3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
