my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
