Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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