He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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