She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
