Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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