my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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