Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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