I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
