so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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