When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
