So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
