mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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