1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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