i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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