Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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