Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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