I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
