my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is wine microwaveable?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
