I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
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i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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