My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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