why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
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It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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