i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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