You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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