I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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