meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
