apparently the secret to your success is patron
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
