Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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